What's with me....?

I've been reading some of my mates blogs. One of them seems to live this really nice christian life in which God seems to speak to him in every minute detail of his day to day activities.
I remember the first time I went to dinner with my then future wife, at her parents house. Pops (affectionate name for Father in-law) was in the garage tidying up and Mops (affectionate name for mother-in-law) was making tea and cakes and being mother-in-law-ish.
I decided to help Pops in the garage. He was trying to find a place for some wooden planks and had run out of room. he explained the predicament to me and whilst doing so stepped back and nearly fell down an inspection pit in the floor. The wood covering it was rotten and some peices had completely disapeared.
So, being there to impress my future in-laws I set about cutting the renagade plank into a number of small lengths, just enough to fill the gap.
Just at that moment Mops appeared with my beloved and a cuppa with those wonderful words (Would you like a cup of tea?"
Without replying pops said in a rather animated way, " Look at what Robs done. We had a hole in the floor whjere some timber had rotted away and I had a peice of wood that would fit anywhere so Rob cut it up and it fits EXACTLY!!!! Isn't that wonderful!!!???"
"Oooohhh!!!" Replied Mops. "Praise the Lord!"
I was rather bemused by this but happy that i'd impressed none the less.
But that's just it. I read my friends blogs and everythings hunky-dory for them because Gods in it. Somewhere I've got a bit to complicated. I need a bit more evidence to see any divine intervention in everyday live.
I've lost the ability to be happy with endless happy chat and pizza.

I'm not sure it's as bad a thing as it sounds. I'm more aware of bigger issues that I feel passionate about and need to respond to . But I did talk to someone the other day and said that I'm generally not as happy just being a christian as I was 15 years ago. I think God is talking and I know i need to get focused on what He's saying.

Maybe He'll talk over my next cuppa..........

I got loads of emails and texts yeaterday from people. It was 5 years since 9-11.
In some ways, 5 years is no different to 5 days or 5 months. It still happened, the memories and the pain of it all doesn't diminish. One of the worst things about days like yesterday are questions from the media along the lines of, "How does it feel now?" Like a physiotherapist who extects pain to diminish the more you manipulate the tension.
Well, no, it's no easier. In fact in some ways it gets harder.
I was talking to my wife last night and was saying that although 9-11 was a big thing, 67 britains were killed. Not that many when you think of the size of Britain. A slim chance of knowing someone killed. But I do, someone dear to me. So Why am I in that possition and what am I supposed to do with it?
Am I supposed to keep it as a private thing of grief. I find it hard to do when it's such a public story and when the affects of my Dad's death have resulted in a 'War against terror' that's left thousand of innocent people killed.
Since (and including) 9-11 just over 4000 people have been killed in terrorist attacks worldwide. In the war against terror nearly 95,000 have been killed - most of them innocent people. That seems an excesive price to pay, especially when global peace and safety seems further off than it ever has done .
The US led war against terror has been accused of loosing its way, lacking focus.

My problem is similar in the sense that I've lost focus. I need to know what next. There's a line in one of my songs that says 'Sometimes my mind is lost inside a maze'. It's a horribly easy place to find yourself. There's so many issues, so many unanswered questions that need to be answerd. There's so many good causes, charities, human justice movements and christian issues that get draw into the whole aftermath of 9-11 that I feel strongly about/for.
Hopefuly by the next post I'll have an idea where I'm going with his.
Hopefuly,so will the Americans

That Independent thing

THis weekend was the 2nd time I've been in the independent.
The first time they aske me to write a letter to the American people during their elections stating who they should vote for. That episode was the reason for the song, Singing Myself To Sleep. come to a gig and hear the whole story....
Anyway, this time it was about the fifth aniversay of 9/11. It was a good article but they got one REALLY important thing wrong.
Forgiveness is at the heart of the christian faith. During the days after 9/11 I was really challanged by the Jesus saying ,"Pray for your enemies and forgive those that persecute you."
It was like, "God! You want me to forgive them?!" Now, although I'm not totally there, I'm not saying , as the Independent said, that I cannot do that. I do pray for these guys and I do try to forgive. I'm not totally there but then I'm not totally there with the western armies that seem to find adiquate retribution in the slaughter of innocent people in the name of the War On Terror.
To me that's as bad, if not worse.
Coventry, the city i live in is known as a centre of reconciliation and it's fitting for me to look at the bombeb out cathedral and the healing that's happened since the war and realise that it's the same now. We need to forgive, understand and be reconciled. That's the only way to sort this out.
Will it happen?