Its Happening

... Or maybe it's part of the rollacoaster of the previous post.
There's a bit of light through the cloud. I went to the Lake district with Jean for our aniversary and we climbed a mountain near Dungeon Ghyll. It was incredible, climbing up the side of a waterfall. But the most amazing thing I saw was up just under the cloud cover. A small cloud was on a level with us and the sun was breaking throught the higher cloud just in the place to catch the small cloud. Everything looked so dull except for this one cloud that shone like an angel. It was amazing.
I saw a picture in a book abouth the Lake District of some guy on top of the mountain and the cloud cover was lower. To get to where it looked like an island above the cloud he had to climbe through the wet fog and cold cloud.
When I saw my angel cloud on the mountain it was like she was pointing the way higher.
Quite profound but incredibly powerful for the moment.

I guess a song will appear sooner or later...

Rollacoaster Sickness

In the words of that awful song sung by the short Irishman, 'Life is a Rollacoaster'...
So whilst I'm getting things in my head sorted, like what i'm doing with life and when I'm doing it, I still wonder why I feel so far from God.
It really struck me the other night in bed that I felt so far away from a relationship with Him. A couple of days before I was fine. It's so much like that at the moment. One day talking to God is easy the next it's like I'm not getting heard or I'm not hearing - a spiritual rollacoaster. Just gotta ride it.
Since I decided not to go along with things just because I've always done them I'm examining things a lot more. Where-as I would have rambled off a prayer or sung any old song now I have to know that I mean it and that God hears it. The amount of lies I've sung about how committed or ready or happy clappy I feel. I have to be real here....
So tommorrow I may be up. Hey, maybe I'll write something a bit more up tommorrow.

New Year and all that

So, 2006 here we are.
I notice that by ten past twelve last night all the fireworks had stopped and the city was back to being quiet. A short celebration (aprt from Al calling from America at 2am to say happy new year!)
This is a year that I'm going into with mixed feelings, a fair amount of aprehension and bag full of dreams and ideas. 2005 was good but I was crushed and ground and I'm still getting myself back together. I think sometimes that I get my calling right but I start building it on the wrong foundation. It's realisuing that you nothing without love and that love starts with humility and brokeness. If you don't start there then you build on a fragile pride that is easily pulled down. So I guess this year is try again, see what happens and trust that God'll keep us safe.