Regress

I'm reading a CS Lewis book at the moment. Pilgrims Regress.
Seemed rather fitting when I started! I've regressed to the point of making progess again.
Felt like shouting at God last night which is the closest I've been to praying for a while, so there's some progress!
At the moment it's a bit like my past keeps coming back to pester me. We had kids throwing things at the house last night which got me wound up. But when I used to do the same thing I kind of feel like I had it coming.
Other things to do with the kids reminded me of stuff I went through and I want to step in an put it right but I don't know how.
So I shout at God.
Off to Northern Ireland tomorrow for some gigs. I'm enjoyingthe tour but I miss home. Be glad when it's done for the time being.

Worthing

So, the tour continues
We were playing in Worthing last night. I must admit to being scared stiff about playing in front of a load of old school mates and people I knew from 20 years ago. But it was a good night.
I think gigs like that, that have a certain poingency (sp?) about them make you see things in your own life for what they really are.
I said during the gig that I'm not the squeeky clean Christian that perhaps people think a Christian should be. There were a few guys there that saw me a the school reunion and know that. But for me, the fact that I've worked things through since then and I've seen that there has been a change in me, is important. And it's not what people expect but for them it's helpful to see that I'm still a normal bloke that makes mistakes but has somewhere to go when I do.
That on it's own is a powerful thing.
It was good to see some folks that I've not caught up with for over 20 years. Sometimes makes you gla to be where you are though.

Smoke in the Air

I'm working on this new song.
Not sure what to call it. I've realised that I've drifted into so much, never had a deffinate point when there's been a massive change. I drifted into being a Christian and do the christian thing because I'm a christian.
But It has to be more than that. I have to find the day that changed my life or, get to it. I have to have a point to go to that says, 'I've changed and that was when it happened'.
I have to understand that change as well and not do things just because. God gave us a free will and so often we can forget that and get sucked along like robots in whatever system we choose.
Kind of defeats the whole free will thing.
I need to decide to worship/sing/pray or whatever and not just drift into it like some passivity driven habbit.
So....

Been here 20 years and I'm feeling every day
But the one where we first met is the one that got away
Spend my life running after smoke caught in the air
From fire that i dream about that's never really there