Smoke in the Air

I'm working on this new song.
Not sure what to call it. I've realised that I've drifted into so much, never had a deffinate point when there's been a massive change. I drifted into being a Christian and do the christian thing because I'm a christian.
But It has to be more than that. I have to find the day that changed my life or, get to it. I have to have a point to go to that says, 'I've changed and that was when it happened'.
I have to understand that change as well and not do things just because. God gave us a free will and so often we can forget that and get sucked along like robots in whatever system we choose.
Kind of defeats the whole free will thing.
I need to decide to worship/sing/pray or whatever and not just drift into it like some passivity driven habbit.
So....

Been here 20 years and I'm feeling every day
But the one where we first met is the one that got away
Spend my life running after smoke caught in the air
From fire that i dream about that's never really there